Have you ever had to check your spirit in a Target bathroom?
Oh, Hey.
How's your Thursday?
So anyway,
Have you?
My kids remind me of Doctor visits scheduled to get all the things looked at, listened-to, and talked over,
But for us Ladies, sometimes these checks cannot be scheduled. They are more like "Minute Clinic" sessions with the Lord.
In a public restroom.
Hey, it's called a "rest" room.
Target is nice in that the bathrooms are Uber bright, always warm and 99.9% of the time clean enough to feel like you can stay there as long as you need to get your spirit into gear.
Having a hate-hate relationship with mild anxiety as long as I have I feel slightly qualified to tell you how public bathrooms rate for those, "Almost coming out of your skin/heart palpitation" moments that creep up while out and about.
This however was NOT one of those moments.
This was a, "I don't agree with what my husband has just decided and for sure am NOT going to argue in Target and just need a moment to process this and cannot be around cute Spring clothes to do so," moment.
Let me guess.
You've NEVER had one of those?
Well in case you haven't it's weird and distracting and if you are my kind of, "Everything I feel from 8th grade is written on my face in bold ink," kinda personality you need an exit strategy and soon.
You will need time to think things through.
You will need to use the bathroom while there anyways because that's just how girls are, and then you will just pace and pray and try to reason with the pride that somehow decided this wasn't a "party for one."
You will tell yourself this person is your HUSBAND.
Like, "To have and to hold- for good and for Target bathrooms... for as long as you both shall live."
You will remember that in one whole day's time this will NOT be this big of a deal.
You will get so worked-up that you will most likely need to use said restroom once again.
But hey, that's why you're there so "yea you" for having one iota of foresight.
You will wonder if the earthly love of your life is still looking for a phone case and if this bathroom has somehow time-warped you into the next day when you don't even have all the feels about this whole thing anymore.
Wishful thinking.
You know you need to leave.
These bathrooms are nice and all, but they could really use an accent rug.
You close your eyes and just pour your heart out,
Lord, I empty my hands of this. I give it to you. I give my husband to you.
I give you my frustration and my unknowns, my insecurities and my doubts that this is the best thing to do.
Lord, if you don't help me calm down and tell my spirit to get into line, I will be incredibly miserable and make every man, woman, child and cashier in this place the very same.
I KNOW this will be okay, even though every fiber in my being wants to yell, "This was not my plan and if it fails it wasn't my fault!" and eat half my weight in Reeses Easter eggs.
YOU submitted to your Father and for goodnesses sake and for your sake and for my kids sake and for the cashier's sake I can just let you work in whatever way you see fit.
But Lord, YOU are the only one who can close this mouth, this tongue that can hurt and open this heart that needs to trust you more.
Trust you more.
And then it hits me like a Proverbial "load of bricks."
Just that evening in church we sang,
"Tis so sweet to Trust in Jesus."
Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus,
Just to take Him at His word;
Just to rest upon His promise;
Just to know, Thus saith the Lord.
Jesus, Jesus, how I trust Him,
How I’ve proved Him o’er and o’er,
Jesus, Jesus, Precious Jesus!
O for grace to trust Him more.
Yes, ’tis sweet to trust in Jesus,
Just from sin and self to cease;
Just from Jesus simply taking
Life, and rest, and joy, and peace.
I’m so glad I learned to trust Thee,
Precious Jesus, Savior, Friend;
And I know that Thou art with me,
Wilt be with me to the end.
Jesus, Jesus, how I trust Him,
How I’ve proved Him o’er and o’er,
Jesus, Jesus, Precious Jesus!
O for grace to trust Him more.
Literally from my mouth, the one I had all but barricaded at the moment,
Only a few hours earlier was singing, "Lord, O for grace to learn to trust you more and more and more."
O be careful little mouth what you sing!
This is what I so love.
Besides new Dr. Pepper.
I say 'new" because I save it and sip on it for days in the fridge. Don't hate me because I sip on old pop.
What I love besides new pop is the way that the Holy Spirit knows that we will have a little gathering in the Target bathroom WHILE I am singing praise to Him hours earlier.
He knows that I will tell him all the things with some rational and more irrational concerns amidst a little bathroom stall hiding.
And instead of meeting me with frustration over a weaker frame, a mind that too quickly forgets just how good the Lord and my husband have been to me, and a slightly crumpled attitude over something not nearly as big as I am making it,
He listens and then sweeps in with the hymn from church and lets it do the work that this hardened soil needs.
He knows each verse will do it's hoe-like turning until it reaches soft, pliable ground to work with.
That crusty top soil is pride and everyone including Kim Jong-un knows it, but me.
And still the Spirit of the Lord decides to meet with a somewhat humble spirit in the bathroom stall at Target.
I swallow more of that lovely warm bathroom air and with all the teeny weeny bit of faith I can muster, I open the door and head out to DO.THE.RIGHT.THING.
The, "crazy hard and times," thing.
Sometimes we just need to "check" our spirit.
Check the health and wellness of our own grown-up mostly frazzled crinkly spirit.
Sometimes you surprise yourself with how well you are bobbing along in this sea of life.
Other times you skip looking for Dr. Pepper at the checkout to check out how bright the Target bathrooms are.
And here's the other wonderful thing.
Your daughter who is waay more understanding of adultness than you give her credit, saw that you were struggling, went and took her own money she just earned clearing prickers for her Grandma and bought you one of your favorite Easter candies.
She's waiting with a squeeze and a little Target bag to remind you that doing the right hard thing is always a good idea.
