Beautiful

My younger brother, my only brother and the baby of the family as we like to remind him, has lovely blue-green eyes.

BOTH of my older sisters also have blue-ish eyes

I was reminded of this fact when he was in town last week.

Hi friends.

Hello from spotty internet in and out of the mountains of "Wild and Wonderful West Virginia," while on my way home from family vacay.

We had a wonderful time away with my husband's parents and siblings and all the grands who are now getting married and creating families of their own.

I loved seeing the new spouses navigate so many new members of the family and remembered how that felt to be the new in-law.

I smiled more than once watching interactions, weird and new and family jokes roll right over them and wanted to pat them on the back and say, "don't worry, in a few years these will be your people. The people you love and root for and the people you're so thankful you're related to by marriage."

Before vacation, sitting around my childhood dining room table with two of my siblings I was reminded once again just how very different one sibling is from the next no matter if you grew up in the same house or married into a new one.

My brother is such a hard worker.

He's always been so cute no matter how old he gets, is sweet and humble with a contagious giggle.

I love seeing my Father in his mannerisms.

Of course he would be my Mom's favorite.

She waded through three girls for that guy.

My oldest sister is brilliantly smart and could win over the grumpiest person in the world with her kindness and friendly conversation.

My second older sister is an amazing cook and has a great decorating eye.

She'd give her last penny to anyone who needed help.

Each of my siblings are great conversationalists with enormous hearts and all-around great human beings.

At 48 sitting around that table it occurred to me that I was the "odd man out" when it came to beautiful bright eyes and it made me wish that I fit in with them a bit more.

As a teen, young adult and especially as a young married person my goal was to blend in.

Isn't that each of our goals while trying our best to figure out just where we can shine in the world?

Hide until you're brave enough to stick out with whatever confidence you've stored up.

I don't remember anyone ever telling me I was a beauty.

I laugh because my oldest daughter gets the same comments that I did at her age.

I'll show someone a picture of her and they'll say, "She's soooo CUTE!"

And well, she just is.

And I really never minded having the cute factor because cute is better than nothin' in my opinion.

I never thought at any stage growing up that I would finally attain beautiful status.

Some people are just naturally beautiful and some are so beautiful on the inside that it spills out making them more beautiful than at first glance.

I DO remember the first time I felt as close to beautiful as you could possibly get as a teenager.

And it had nothing to do with clothes or makeup or clever conversation.

It had everything to do with a shiny glass bottle of perfume.

I've had such a fascination with perfumes ever since I can remember.

In junior high I would spray my sister's perfume on my clothes and pray it wore off through the day enough for her NOT to know that I used it.

It made me feel older somehow.

I just never seemed to have money to spend on perfume in high school.

It's a story for another day, but I was working crazy hard to PAY to attend a private school that truly changed my trajectory in life.

Worth every penny.

And so pennies were so tight I hid in the bathroom on more than one occasion to slip by the office lady trying to hand-deliver financial suspension papers.

So perfume was extravagant.

Lovely, wonderful, dreamed of,

but definitely NOT necessary for survival.

A chemistry tutor would have been a better use of extra funds IF there were any.

So when a dear naturally curly red-headed classmate invited me over for the night and noticed me admiring her perfume she up and gave it to me.

It felt like she handed me the world when she did that.

It's still one of the greatest gifts someone has given me and has prompted me more than once to give something that freely to some sweet girl looking for lovely.

You know, to keep the kindness going.

This gift taught me that the language of love is lavishness, and I've never forgotten that.

If I remember correctly I held it in my lap all the drive home that next morning just to smell it at red lights.

It was Peach Hyacinth from (shocker!!) Victoria's Secret.

I know, scandalous right?

Does Victoria even have any secrets left?

I digress...

It came in an adorable rounded glass bottle with peach-colored liquid.

This I know, wearing that as I did for SPECIAL occasions like Bible tests and all made me feel absolutely beautiful.

Like a luxurious beauty without a care in the world for finances or fancy clothes.

Isn't it so funny how we as young people view ourselves and the world around us?

Here's me with a bad perm because someone in a salon having a horrible day told my Mom that my hair wanted to be curly but wasn't for some odd reason.

cough, cough, hard water....

Bad perm, old clothes from goodwill and no clue how to even wear make up but I smelled like a million bucks.

I kept that bottle WAY after the perfume was gone just to smell the lid every so often.

And in God's providence I found a small travel size bottle of this very scent years ago in a resale shop and you better believe I would've mortgaged the house to take it home with me.

It sits in my jewelry box and though I cannot bring myself to spray it on and loose it forever I do smell it and thank the Lord every single time for the kindness it brings back to my mind.

What was it for you friend?

When was the very first time you felt completely beautiful?

My 48 year-old self fought those old "fitting-in" feelings around the dinner table creeping up wanting to steal the joy of being exactly who God made me to be.

Super duper DUPER dark brown eyes and all.

a

Aren't you glad we aren't all cookie-cutter molds of each other?

What a dull, boring place the world would be if we were.

I realize that even natural beauty fades with time, but feeling beautiful is timeless.

Noting in me wants to fight wrinkles or sun spots or anything else that proves I spent way too many years as a junior camp counselor.

Those are my badges of honor.

What I do want to put-up a fight for is the feeling of being beautiful in God's eyes.

I desire a beautiful spirit that reflects Christ from my toes to the new gray hairs.

Because HE is all together lovely.

I want to feel beautifully loved and accepted not for anything I can accomplish or do for someone but just because God wanted me in this world.

And that is my desire for you friend.

To stand in front of the mirror not with criticism rising in your heart but an appreciation for every inch of your imperfectly perfect.