A Shard of Hope
Hello you big, beautiful blogosphere, you. It's been a while.
A good, long while since I've hit "publish," and sent some words to encourage and lighten a load or two.
I'd say I'm back and better than ever, but most likely I am back and "badder" than ever.
In the time since we last met, I have found out that there are many more things I stink at, make a mess of, and downright disappoint people in.
More than I care to admit to myself let alone throw out here for you all to feast upon.
And that is why I have been away.
I wish I could confess that time restraints, home responsibilities have kept my attention, but that wouldn't be true.
It's not that ministry has kept me way too busy and I have not been pursuing some wonderful engaging non-profit organization.
I have in all honesty, been in hiding from you all because I just thought that you didn't need my words and for heaven's sake I didn't need my own words either.
And as is usually the case, I needed a good turn around the block (a very large city block) to gain a better perspective, let the Lord teach me more about the way he created me, and seek his perfect will for me, and not anyone else.
You know what is amazing to me?
The fact that the Lord allows us to grow in the knowledge of Him. And as we grow in the knowledge of Him, the more we understand the deep things about ourselves.
I do not sit today and write to you all because I think I am a great writer and encourager.
Plain, simple fact.
I sit here in a heap of my children's clutter and candy wrappers in the living room because God created me to write.
Wow. That statement would just about knock my own socks off if it weren't a bazillion degrees in this house and I actually had any on.
I don't write for approval. I write because God has given this broken vessel something to do to bring whatever glory I possibly can to Him and I'm going to do it.
Today I sat in a very large hospital and tried to encourage a dear dear friend who's son is waiting for a new heart.
I was in awe of all of those walking by me with educations beyond my glistening accolades of Consumers Math and failed Chemistry. I needed a Doctor's help to find the best way to the parking garage, friends.
And as I got lost around not one but two corners of elevators and ran into several hospital staff, I had to laugh.
Higher education and such is not my cuppa.
Many things are not my cup of tea, or my strengths, or my talents.
And I am alright with that.
I'm alright with these facts because I am at peace with my own make-up.
Well, I'm never really satisfied with the fact that one eyebrow never mirrors the other....
I am content with the way that the Lord made me to be.
He didn't create me to be a doctor, or nurse, or a surgeon or even a parking garage helper person. (sorry garage worker....whatever I should be calling you..)
He made me to be a communicator.
He made me, Deena Royalty, to be in love with the way that words can calm a heart, strengthen a resolve, hush a fear and awaken a spirit.
He specifically designed me with a desire to use words to remind others that HE really is who He says He is.
I received a box of loveliness and a thought-provoking card alongside it. It spoke of this friend being encouraged through my blog years ago when I had one.
That old, dusty blog that I had tucked away.
That space that was fragile to me and full of fear of failure and disappointment.
That place that the Spirit had already been cleaning up and asking me to revisit months before her card arrived.
I thought everyone had surely forgotten about my little nook on the internet.
I really didn't have that much of an effect for the Lord, I told myself. I was really unnecessary.
Fast forward a few weeks to a missionary friend stopping by. We see each other so rarely that it is hard to know where to begin, but we ordered a ginormous peanut butter brownie and happily jumped right into conversation.
And to my utter amazement, she said something that even now just boggles my mind.
"I still have that broken piece."
More years ago than I can recall, I had a little two-cup tea set to show her from her neck of the woods. It was precious to me and super expensive, but since we were most likely never going to travel through Asia again, my husband spoiled me and allowed me to have a precious piece of pottery known for it's beautiful glaze in South Korea.
For years I kept it duct taped away in a box so as not to break it in any way.
When this friend first visited me many years ago my husband went to fetch that box and it dropped. So did my heart. At the time we were barely making ends meet, living in a very small house and I was just wondering if the Lord had totally forgotten all about us. More felt broken in my life than just that set of pottery.
Little did I know that while I was hiding tears, this friend picked up a shard from that set, tucked it in her purse and took it home with her. Home to South Korea that is.
It would be YEARS before we saw each other again, and when we did, she had a surprise for me.
Me! Little old no one still living in cramped quarters, still feeling forgotten.
She had painstakingly carried that surprise all the way from South Korea to remind me that I was loved.
You know what it was, right?
As close a match in pattern as she could find. Tea cups, just for me.
They sit on my self upstairs as a cherished gift all these years later.
And as we talked that day and she mentioned that piece to me, It was like my heart just burst open with joy and thanksgiving.
Even though the shard was no longer necessary, she had kept it to remember me by.
Through one move after another, through great material loss, she had kept that piece of broken, and I can't even type without the tears coming for the love of it.
The Lord reminded me that our broken is still remembered, still valuable if we will let Him use it.
It doesn't have to be much, just a stirring in your heart, an exciting spark of something that the Lord impresses upon you.
Whatever it is, might I ask you to jump in with two feet and use that to bring Him glory?
This week I was reminded that we only have this one, lovely life. There are only so many days left for each and every one of us to please the Lord as only WE can through the talents HE has placed inside every single one of us.
You are broken? So am I.
You feel a bit uncomfortable? Me too.
You wonder if you have a gift or talent? YOU DO!
You are sitting behind a computer sweating like crazy half for the excitement of what you know the Lord is asking you to do and half for fear? Okay maybe that's just me.
Whatever it is that has been in your heart for a long time now, that one thing that makes you smile and dream big for God?
That talent that you aren't brave enough to use?
Would you ask the Lord to show you how he wants you to use that today, this week, to bring Him honor?
Dream big! Take the leap! Only look at His smile of approval! Squash your fear with faith!
You were created to do amazingly lovely things for HIM, I just know it.